Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I believe in your delicious
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