Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
