You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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