he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
