I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Randomize
