pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
