Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
In America we eat man semen.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
