She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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