found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
