The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
