I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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