If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
BRING THE BAGELS
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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