My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
