I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
