you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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