wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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