I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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