The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
