we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
