Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
