my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize