I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize