We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
