i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
