Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
