My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize