im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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