Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Fuck appropriateness.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
