i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
