1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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