i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
