fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
