I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish you could order shots online.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
