we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
