Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
