He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
