see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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