i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
