True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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