Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize