I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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