Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
