Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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