Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Randomize
