drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
