Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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