He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So much Jack, so little girl.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
