My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
