life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
sex in a hospital.. check
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
