I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize