He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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