I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
