Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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