Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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