Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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