remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
