I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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