I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
