he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize