Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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