Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
