do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
