My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
