saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
