He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
