You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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