Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
