drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
