So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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