do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
