i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We smell like vodka and hangover
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