Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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