My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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